So called because that's what the title is of my novel-in-progress.... Main character Mina is half-vampiress and feels cursed by that, wanting to hide her vampirism...but it's very back burner, it's more a *coming of age* story....here is the bit I have made so far.
“MOM!!!!”
Shelly sighed, bracing herself for a fight. Every time Mina yelled like that, a fight always ensued. Whether it was relationships, or school, or just life in general, there was always something that Shelly and Mina couldn’t see eye to eye. Mina was a good daughter, a caring daughter – but that didn’t stop her from flying off the handle and assuming whatever Shelly did was wrong. Why didn’t teenagers come with instruction books?
“I’m in the kitchen, Mina, prepping for your study date with Jake.”
Shelly thought that Jake was a good match for Mina. He was funny, smart, caring – although pretty darn clueless, even by male standards. Even with this shortcoming, he was a godsend for Mina, because he was smart in Math, a subject that Mina was threatening to fail because she just couldn’t understand it. He was also sensitive to her general mood, knowing when it was time to leave Mina alone, or knowing when Mina really needed someone.Now, if he could just get over being comically clueless…
“MOM!!! It is not a study date!! It’s a study session!! Jake’s coming over to help me with math, since you don’t seem to understand it either! And why are you prepping for something that doesn’t even involve you?”
“Mina, you know you do better when you have a little food with you, and since the study date is in 15 minutes you don’t have time to make something! Besides, I’m making your favorite snacks, and Jake seems to – “
“MOM!!! It is NOT a study date!!! Besides, if you had picked me up like I asked you to at school, I could have made the snacks myself!”
Shelly sighed. Mina was irrational, clearly irritated about something, Shelly suspected that it wasn’t the math that was bugging Mina, but it was about Jake. Clearly Jake and Mina liked each other, as the school jokingly referred to Mina, Missy, and Jake as the Three Musketeers. Anytime someone talked trash about Mina, and Jake heard about it, Jake would really make the person sorry. Yes, Jake and Mina was a good match.
“Mina, why are you so upset? Is math that much of a pain for you? The school does have tutors if Jake’s not available.”
Mina sighed. Of course her mother missed the point! She’s upset about her mother meddling in the relationship with Jake, and clueless Shelly is thinking it’s about the math! Granted, math was a bad subject for her, and the help Jake gave her with it was wonderful, but good grief! Can’t clueless people get it? Jake had admitted that Shelly tried to set them up once, and how dare Mom play matchmaker! Mina’s 16, she can make up her own mind about dating, and the last thing she needs is her mother saying who she thinks is acceptable!
“Mom, don’t you get it?! Whether or not I’m struggling with math isn’t the issue, it’s about your always wanting to make sure everything is perfect for the sessions, always bugging in during the sessions, always making sure there’s enough light…generally making the session a waste, because you’re always around!!”
Ah, that was the problem. Mina was objecting to Shelly’s looking out for her, although Shelly was sure Mina wouldn’t look at it that way. It didn’t help matters that in spite of Shelly trying to set up Jake and Mina, Jake completely misinterpreted it and thought that Shelly was hitting on him.
“Mina, I think I have a right to make sure my daughter is being treated well! I don’t think he would try anything sneaky but it pays to be cautious.”
“Cautious? How can he do anything – even study – with you around all the time? He’s made no secret he likes you, and you seem to encourage things by always being around! How are we supposed to study if every 15 minutes you show up with some excuse to be around?”
“Mina, in case you haven’t noticed, I do live here too! And since the study room is smack dab in the middle of the house, of course I’m going to go back and forth.”
“Well, if you didn’t insist on the study sessions being there instead of my bedroom like I suggested…”
“NO!! Mina, the bedroom is not the place for studying, and teenagers are quite well known for doing things other than studying when you put a man and woman in a bedroom!!”
“Um, excuse me…”
Both Shelly and Mina turned in shock at the new voice. There was none other than Jake, the very person they were arguing about. Mina turned totally mortified as Shelly greeted him,
“Good afternoon Jake…shouldn’t you have at least knocked on the door before waltzing in?”
“Well, the door was open, and you were expecting me so I figured to just come in.”
Shelly glared at her daughter, her eyes shooting daggers. This wasn’t the first time Mina had left the door wide open when she wanted to confront Shelly about something. However, Mina glared right back with contempt, refusing to back down. Jake cleared his throat and took a step back, thinking he would do well to be somewhere else very quickly – anywhere else!!
Shelly saw Jake retreating and realized that Jake had seen more in the glaring at each other than he had overheard the argument. Shelly knew she had to assure Jake in some way that things were OK, even though he had walked in on a major catfight.
“Jake, sorry you had to see that, Mina and I were just having a spirited discussion is all.It’s not a huge thing, really. Don’t worry about it.”
Even though Shelly said this, she was glaring at her daughter, daring her to correct or change the story. Shelly knew that Mina liked Jake, and if Mina tried to correct what Shelly just said, it would imply that Mina did have strong feelings for Jake, and Shelly doubted even clueless Jake would miss this reference
Mina recovered her wits enough to ask Jake a very important question. If Jake had heard most of the fight, she would be completed horrified…she liked Jake a lot, had a crush on him, but didn’t want Jake to know of her true feeling yet!
“Um, Jake…how much of our fight did you hear?”
“Oh, not much. Think the first thing I heard was “how can anyone do anything with you walking in every 15 minutes,” or something like that.”
Jake’s casual comment didn’t sit well with Mina, as she felt that Jake knew she had strong feelings for him. Shelly figured that Jake knew enough of the fight to know what was going on as well, and figured to just act as normally as possible…until Jake opened his mouth.
“So, who were you two fighting about anyway? I’m guessing Mina has a new boyfriend?”
Both Shelly and Mina stared at Jake. No one could be that clueless, Surely Jake was playing with them, but at the same time, it was common knowledge that Jake often misinterpreted things.
“Oh, Jake, it doesn’t really matter. More importantly, do you think Mina’s understanding of math has gotten better since you started tutoring her?”
“Well, ma’am, Mina won’t be a mathematician but she’s getting better at it. And she’s helping me with my social studies so it’s beneficial for both of us.”
“Well, go off to the study session you two. I’ll be by in a few minutes to give you two snacks. Jake, would you like something to drink?”
“I’d like a diet cola of some sort please, thank you very much.”
As Shelly went off to get the snacks and drinks ready, Jake asked Mina something that he was curious about.
“So Mina, I guess you don’t have a boyfriend? If sure sounded like it from what little I could tell.”
Mina shook her head, amazed that Jake completely missed the boat. Didn’t he realize that they were fighting about him? But then, Jake’s forte was compassion, and might miss the references.
“No, Jake I don’t….the fight was about Mom playing matchmaker for me. I’m sure you understand that, the parents always butting in, supposedly wanting what’s best for us.”
Mina was shocked by Jake’s pained expression, but before she could ask about it,. they were interrupted by Shelly, bringing a plate of snacks and two glasses of soda.
“OK you two, off to studying! Mina, if you need something, I’ll be in the office working on the books.”
Mina pondered something about Jake. Jake never really talked about his home life. She really didn’t know anything about Jake’s family, as Jake was always reluctant to bring up the subject. Mina decided that, after the study session, she would find out why Jake never talked about his home life
Shelly sighed, bracing herself for a fight. Every time Mina yelled like that, a fight always ensued. Whether it was relationships, or school, or just life in general, there was always something that Shelly and Mina couldn’t see eye to eye. Mina was a good daughter, a caring daughter, but that didn’t stop her from flying off the handle and assuming everything Shelly did was wrong. Why didn’t teenagers come with instruction books?
“I’m in the kitchen, Mina. I’m prepping for your study date with Jake.”
Shelly thought that Jake was a good match for Mina. He was funny, smart, and caring, although pretty darn clueless, even by male standards. Even with this shortcoming, he was a godsend for Mina. He was smart in Math, a subject that Mina was threatening to fail because she just couldn’t understand it. He was also sensitive to her general mood, knowing when it was time to leave Mina alone, or knowing when she really needed someone.If he could just get over being comically clueless, Shelly felt Jake and Mina would be a perfect match.
Mina sighed her frustration. “MOM! It is not a study date!! It’s a study session! Jake’s coming over to help me with math, since you don’t seem to understand it either! And why are you prepping for something that doesn’t even involve you?”
“Mina, you know you do better when you have a little food with you, and since the study date is in 15 minutes you don’t have time to make something! Besides, I’m making your favorite snacks, and Jake seems to – “
Mina threw up her hands in exasperation. Why did Shelly have to be so meddling? “MOM It is NOT a study date!!! Besides, if you had picked me up like I asked you to at school, I could have made the snacks myself!”
Shelly sighed. Mina was irrational, clearly irritated about something, Shelly suspected that it wasn’t the math that was bugging Mina, but it was about Jake. Clearly Jake and Mina liked each other, as pretty much the whole school jokingly referred to Mina, Missy, and Jake as the Three Musketeers. Anytime someone talked trash about Mina, and Jake heard about it, Jake would really make the person sorry. The school still talked about the time that Jake barreled into the locker rooms when hearing someone had really upset Mina. The fact that it was the women’s locker room didn’t seem to matter to Jake, although once he realized it he backtracked in a hurry. Yes, Jake and Mina was a good match.
“Mina, why are you so upset? Is math that much of a pain for you? The school does have tutors if Jake’s not available.”
Mina sighed, visibly irritated, and getting ready to let her mother have it. Of course her mother missed the point! She’s upset about her mother meddling in the relationship with Jake. Granted, math was a bad subject for her, and the help Jake gave her with it was wonderful, but good grief! Can’t clueless people get it? Jake had admitted that Shelly tried to set them up once. How dare Mom play matchmaker! Mina’s 16, she can make up her own mind about dating, and the last thing she needs is her mother saying who she thinks is acceptable!
“Mom, don’t you get it?! Whether or not I’m struggling with math isn’t the issue, it’s about your always wanting to make sure everything is perfect for the sessions, always bugging in during the sessions, always making sure there’s enough light…generally making the session a waste, because you’re always around!!” Mina was objecting to Shelly essentially hovering over Jake anytime they had a study session there. It was one thing to make sure everything was OK and then leaves, but Shelly always seemed to find some excuse to go back and forth.Usually by the end of the session Mina was always so irritated with her Mom’s inference.
Ah, that was the problem. Mina was objecting to Shelly’s looking out for her, although Shelly was sure Mina wouldn’t look at it that way. It didn’t help matters that in spite of Shelly trying to set up Jake and Mina, Jake completely misinterpreted it and thought that Shelly was hitting on him.
“Mina, I think I have a right to make sure my daughter is being treated well! I don’t think he would try anything sneaky but it pays to be cautious.”
“Cautious? How can he do anything, even study, with you around all the time? He’s made no secret he likes you, and you seem to encourage things by always being around! How are we supposed to study if every 15 minutes you show up with some excuse to be around?”
“Mina, in case you haven’t noticed, I do live here too! And since the study room is smack dab in the middle of the house, of course I’m going to go back and forth.”
“Well, if you didn’t insist on the study sessions being there instead of my bedroom like I suggested…”
“NO!! Mina, the bedroom is not the place for studying, and teenagers are quite well known for doing things other than studying when you put a man and woman in a bedroom!!” Shelly couldn’t believe Mina would suggest the sessions in the bedroom. Maybe Mina has stronger feelings for Jake than she realized? Shelly glared at her daughter, disgusted that Mina would think a study session in the bedroom was a good idea.
“Um, excuse me…”
Both Shelly and Mina turned in shock at the new voice. There was none other than Jake, Mina turned totally mortified as Shelly greeted him,
“Good afternoon Jake…shouldn’t you have at least knocked on the door before waltzing in?”
“Well, the door was open, and you were expecting me so I figured to just come in.”
Shelly glared at her daughter again, her eyes shooting daggers. This wasn’t the first time Mina had left the door wide open when she wanted to confront Shelly about something. However, Mina glared right back with contempt, her eyes shooting daggers as well.. Jake cleared his throat and took a step back, thinking he would do well to be somewhere else very quickly. While he didn’t know what was going on, he did know that Mina and Shelly were having one heck of an argument, and felt it was better to get out of there in a hurry.
Shelly saw Jake retreating and realized that Jake had seen more in the glaring at each other than he had overheard the argument. Shelly knew she had to assure Jake in some way that things were OK, even though he had walked in on a major catfight.
“Jake, sorry you had to see that, Mina and I were just having a spirited discussion is all.It’s not a huge thing, really. Don’t worry about it.”
Even though Shelly said this, she was glaring at her daughter, daring her to correct or change the story. Shelly knew that Mina liked Jake, and if Mina tried to correct what Shelly just said, it would imply that Mina did have strong feelings for Jake, and Shelly doubted even clueless Jake would miss this reference
Mina recovered her wits enough to ask Jake a very important question. If Jake had heard most of the fight, she would be completed horrified…she liked Jake a lot, had a crush on him, but didn’t want Jake to know of her true feeling yet!
“Um, Jake…how much of our fight did you hear?”
“Oh, not much. Think the first thing I heard was how can anyone do anything with you walking in every 15 minutes, or something like that.”
Jake’s casual comment didn’t sit well with Mina. She felt that Jake knew she had strong feelings for him. Shelly figured that Jake knew enough of the fight to know what was going on as well, and figured to just act as normally as possible…until Jake opened his mouth.
“So, who were you two fighting about anyway? I’m guessing Mina has a new boyfriend?”
Both Shelly and Mina stared at Jake. No one could be that clueless, Surely Jake was playing with them. However, it was common knowledge that Jake often misinterpreted things.
“Oh, Jake, it doesn’t really matter. More importantly, do you think Mina’s understanding of math has gotten better since you started tutoring her?”
“Well, ma’am, Mina won’t be a mathematician but she’s getting better at it. Plus, she’s helping me with my social studies so it’s beneficial for both of us.”
“Well, go off to the study session you two. I’ll be by in a few minutes to give you two snacks. Jake, would you like something to drink?”
“I’d like a diet cola of some sort please, thank you very much.”
As Shelly went off to get the snacks and drinks ready, Jake asked Mina something that he was curious about.
“So Mina, I guess you don’t have a boyfriend? If sure sounded like it from what little I could tell.”
Mina shook her head, amazed that Jake completely missed the boat. Didn’t he realize that they were fighting about him? But then, Jake’s forte was compassion, and might of missed the references.
“No, Jake I don’t….the fight was about Mom playing matchmaker for me. I’m sure you understand that, the parents always butting in, supposedly wanting what’s best for us.”
Mina was shocked by Jake’s pained expression. It seemed an odd expression, almost a wistful one. Mina didn’t understand, but then she didn’t really know much about Jake’s home because he always insisted the study sessions being at her place. Before she could ask about it, they were interrupted by Shelly, bringing a plate of snacks and two glasses of soda.
“OK you two, off to studying! Mina, if you need something, I’ll be in the office working on the books.”
Mina pondered something about Jake. He never really talked about his home life. Whenever they would get together, usually with Missy dragging them someplace, Jake never suggested his home as a place to visit. Every time Mina suggested visiting Jake’s house, it was met with a “let’s go somewhere else” by Jake. She really didn’t know anything about Jake’s family, as Jake was always reluctant to bring up the subject. Mina decided that, after the study session, she would find out why Jake never talked about his home life.
Hey, Mus, I see a few problems with syntax but over all I enjoyed this. You might try fleshing out your characters a bit more - for instance when Mina and Mom are glaring daggers at each other you might say," Shelly's dark brown eyes glared daggers at her daughter, only to meet Mina's blue eyes glaring back with equal contempt." In this way, we begin to form mental pictures of what the characters look like. Another example would be, "Jake's lanky frame filled the door way, one hand dragging through his dark tossled hair," or however he looks. By forming a mental picture of how they look, they become more real to us, and being 'real' we'll care more about what happens. Good luck! Looking forwards to reading more.
