3 Paws Saloon Attic

It was a lovely spring day when Mummy Bear and Daddy Bear went off on a picnic, taking DJ, Duke and Wilson with them. Well, actually those three had invited themselves by stowing away into Mummy Bear's picnic basket and Daddy Bear's fishing backpack.

While they were gone, the teddy bears left at home yippeed, yayed and hoorayed. They had the whole afternoon to play, play, play!

Under the watchful eye of Morgan, that is. Morgan was the teddies’ Enforcer bear with the big Bad Paw. He didn’t hesitate to use it either. Naughty bears would have their little rumps smacked whenever they got caught doing bad things.

The trick was not to get caught.

‘What’s that bad smell?’ asked Morgan, sniffing suspiciously.

Fatty-boy (aka “Fatty-bottom” bear, named after his favourite Rugby League star) was indignant when the others glanced his way. ‘Not me!’ he declared.

Something was wafting into the unit (flat) from outside and was coming in under the front door. It was sickly-sweet and rather choking, with a chemical hint to it.

‘I hear a spraying sound,’ stated Charlie, a quiet but clever blond bear. ‘They must be getting rid of the roaches.’

‘Is that bad?’ asked Zacky, his younger and much smaller brother.

‘Only for the roaches,’ Charlie reassured him.

‘Roaches are bad,’ said Zacky earnestly. ‘DJ says they chew on bears.’

The teddy bears hated roaches. It wouldn’t have been so bad if there were only one or two iity-bitty ones at a time. But they always brought a hungry crowd of gatecrashers to party all hours of the day and night. They chewed up everything, including teddy bears.

Alfie, one of the triplets was terrified of them. They had seen the super-scary movie “Alien” and DJ had told them that roaches liked to lay eggs inside teddy bears’ bellies. The problem was that no one knew they were there until the evil baby roaches hatched and burst out, just like in the movie.

‘Can you check for aliens?’ he asked Charlie, lifting up the hem of his jumper.

Charlie dutifully looked at Alfie’s furry cream belly. ‘No aliens, Alfie.’

Alan and Big Al, the remaining two of the trio, checked each other’s bellies too. Just in case. No telling where those sneaky little critters might turn up next.

‘Triple-As, watch the front door,’ Morgan instructed the triplets. ‘Charlie and Fatty, keep your eyes on the back.’

The teddy bears did as directed. While the smaller and younger bears watched “Sesame Street” and “Play School”, and sang and danced along with the Wiggles, the bigger and older bears kept watch on the two doorways.

Morgan left them on guard duty with the Downstairs bears while he made the steep climb up to the bedroom. He met with the Upstairs bears and apprised them of the potential threat to their safety. CJ aka Surfie-bear and BJ aka Baby-bear were alarmed at the prospect that nasty roaches might be attempting to invade at any moment.

‘If DJ were here, he’ll know what to do,’ said BJ, who was a devoted minion of DJ’s.

‘If DJ were here, we’ll have double the trouble,’ growled Morgan, who wasn’t.

‘Giff, giff-giff,’ said Giffy, the leggy, floppy giraffe, who was Dukey-boy’s faithful sidekick and an honorary “bear”.

‘That’s right, Giff. We’ve got to ride out the wave on our own,’ said CJ, with the laidback cool of the surfie.

With Morgan’s help, they cleared the bits and bobs lying on the bedroom floor that might obstruct their view of the doorway. The carpet was light beige, which made it easier to spot anything dark-coloured, even if it was moving around furtively.

‘I saw something under the bed!’ squealed BJ, scurrying to hide behind Morgan.

CJ, who was made of braver stuffing, crept forward to peer under the queen-size bed. The feral “Trrr” that greeted him caused him to leap backwards and prudently retreat. It sounded like a weird cross between a growl and a snarl.

‘There’s something under the bed,’ he reported.

CJ and BJ looked expectantly up at Morgan for direction. The Enforcer bear frowned in thought for a moment.

‘Don’t go anywhere near under the bed,’ he pronounced, deciding that discretion was the better part of valour. ‘Leave that for Mummy and Daddy.’

The Upstairs bears and Giffy solemnly nodded. Morgan always gave sensible advice. That was why he was their Enforcer bear: he never got into trouble.

Just then, there came excited cries and frightened squeals from the Downstairs bears. Morgan started down the stairs towards the commotion.

Big Al shouted, ‘Intruder alert! Incoming!’

‘Go away,’ Alan yelled, frantically waving his paws.

‘It’s Aliens!’ yelped Alfie, diving for cover under the cushions on the sofa.

The Triple-As had sounded the alarm when they spotted a number of insect shapes scuttling into the place from under the front door. Charlie quickly herded Zacky and the smaller bears into the shelter of the large basket next to the sofa. Fatty had grabbed his oval-shaped football and took position on the armrest of the sofa, prepared to throw it at the intruders.

They came in all shapes, colours and sizes. There were long brown roaches with pointy bodies, tiny black ones that moved super-quick and slightly bigger black-brown ones with black stripes. But the biggest, baddest one of all was this dark brown roach with twitchy long feelers and many jagged claws.

The Downstairs bears gulped nervously and slowly backed away. It was a very, very big monster. Especially to a teddy bear.

Undaunted, Morgan bellowed at the monster roach from the top of the stairs: ‘You. Shall. Not. Pass.’

Evil glinting eyes glared back at him. Its sharp mandibles clicked a sinister staccato beat. Then with a sudden crinkle-crackle, it spread its chitinous wings and soared over the heads of the Downstairs bears, heading up towards the bedroom.

‘GIFF!’ hollered Giffy in warning, even as he kicked out at the flying marauder with his wide hooves.

BJ went ‘Eek!’ and tumbled over in his haste to back away from the stairs.

Surfie-boy CJ took off his tiny surf-board necklace and swung it around like a whip, trying to knock the roach down to the ground. It swerved in mid-flight, neatly avoiding him.

Morgan roared fiercely and swatted at it with his Bad Paw. He got in a lucky strike with a glancing blow and it fell to the ground near the bed.

CJ and Giffy rushed forward, but it moved like lightning to evade their charge. It darted sideways and headed straight under the bed.

The teddy bears all halted in their tracks. Morgan held up his Bad Paw in readiness. They waited.

There came that creepy “Trrr-trrr” again. Then clicking and crinkling. More “Trrr-trrr”. A muffled, scuffling and shuffling. Scrabbling sounds.

Silence.

After a moment, Morgan inched slowly forward and chanced a look under the bed. His eyes widened. Backing hastily away, he motioned to Giffy and the Upstairs bears to quickly follow him down the stairs.

‘What happened to the monster roach?’ CJ asked curiously.

‘We don’t need to worry about it any more.’

While the fight with the monster roach was going on in the bedroom upstairs, the Downstairs bears had waged a successful battle against the ones that had come in from under the front door. Charlie and Zacky managed to get hold of the insect spray and squeeze off a shot against the pesky intruders.

That stopped their advance. The roaches turned tail and rushed back out the front door. Fatty lobbed his trusty football at the stragglers to hurry them on their way.

‘What was under the bed?’ BJ wanted to know.

‘You don’t want to know.’

The Downstairs bears crowded around Morgan. They all did so want to know.

Morgan eyed the stairs leading upstairs with a wary eye. It hadn’t been a pretty sight. The monster roach had been wrapped like a parcel in strands of long black hair. Every inch of it had been choked under a coating of dust.

All around it were thick, fuzzy, grey clumps. They looked dead and inert. But like zombies, they'd keep coming back. He knew they were the dreaded zombie dust bunnies.

The teddy bears gave a collective shudder and huddled close to each other for safety. No one was venturing upstairs for now.

At long last, when Mummy Bear and Daddy Bear came home that evening, they were surprised to see everyone quiet and subdued on the sofa. There were a few scattered black dots on the floor in the hallway.

‘Whoa,’ DJ commented, checking out the fallen roaches. ‘Looks like an invasion attempt.’

‘Roaches? No way!’ exclaimed little Wilson. ‘We missed it.’

Duke wrinkled his black nose in distaste. ‘Woof,’ he commented.

‘Did the roaches come inside to bug you?’ asked Mummy Bear, getting out the Dyson to vacuum up the bodies.

‘They were very bad, Mummy,’ said Zacky.

‘There’s a big, dead roach on the floor near the bed,’ Daddy Bear called out from upstairs.

‘Watch out for the zombie dust bunnies,’ said Morgan.

‘Have those scumbags been bothering you?’ Mummy Bear narrowed her eyes.

BJ cuddled up to her. ‘They’re scarier than the roaches,’ he whispered.

Mummy Bear pressed the button on the Dyson, making it whirr for a moment. She smiled sweetly.